U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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