Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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