You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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