I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
