There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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