she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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