Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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