Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His nipple licking is glorious
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