drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
