i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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