The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
