do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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