I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
