It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
