I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
