he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
