Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
