We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
