just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
