My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
