Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize