just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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