they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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