you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
