I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
