She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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