just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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