If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
