I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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