i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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