Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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