Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
