he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
