Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
