Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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