Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
