you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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