Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
