This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had to cum in my sink.
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