oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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