i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
