you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
