Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
