We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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