how can u be prego again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
did you just send me my own nude
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
