just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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