I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
