speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
