The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
