Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
