anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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