I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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