omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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