the condom got lost in my hair
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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