How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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