I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
