i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
