Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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