The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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