there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
