you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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