youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
