I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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