Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it penis luge time yet?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
