You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
