one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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