Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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