we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I looked at my own cervix.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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