i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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