Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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