im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
