So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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