In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
